Alpha Framing: Holiday Etiquette: Gracious but Honest

Iuliia Bondar

“The Holiday Season” is one of those ever-fluctuating phenomena which causes any number of confusing traditions to crop up. When does the season start? At the end of October, with Halloween? Veterans’ Day? Thanksgiving? Regardless of when that most wonderful time of the year shows up at our doorsteps, most of us end up more exasperated than excited because we know what we’re in for: credit card debt, ungodly-sized lines, traffic cataclysms and gifts we don’t want from people we don’t like. It can be all too easy to let stress get the better of us, and end up doing irrevocable damage to our reputations by flying into an ALL CAPS RAGE, or being just plain bitter around people. But we’re gentlemen, aren’t we? We’re better than that. The holiday season might be stressful—even though it’s not supposed to be—but that’s okay. We can handle it. That’s what it means to be a Man of the Hour.

There are three major facets to interacting with people during the holidays; friends and family, coworkers, and…everyone else. So how does a gentleman handle himself with each of these groups? The easiest to handle is family, primarily because…let’s face it, we’ve had the most practice on how to deal with family. So let’s start there. We all know the standard Christmas party: family we never see except for once a year show up at our homes and take over. We cook too much food, stretch ourselves too thin, and might find a sliver and glimmer of “it was worth it” in the morning when the kids open their presents. The most important thing to recall on this score is to be honest. Half of the problem is that we end up with family members with whom we just plain don’t get along. As a gentleman, you owe it to yourself and to your family to be honest. If you can’t get along with someone, make sure that you don’t spend time with them. Avoid dealing with them. It’s just that simple. Oh, sure. They’re family. And that makes it important to be accommodating. Blood runs thicker than water, right? But here’s the thing: the goal of any gentleman at a party, whether he be host or guest, is to see to it that everyone is having a good time. This means ensuring that everyone at the party can get along with each other. And it means being honest and fair to oneself.

This is also true of dealing with coworkers and strangers, as well. Get along with them, but be honest and fair to yourself. This rule is not only to be followed during the holidays, but it’s especially important to remember it during a season that tends to make us forget who we are, and what we truly want, simply because of rigid tradition. That is a trap into which we cannot allow ourselves to fall.

So whether you are talking to coworkers about whether or not to attend that office party, or taking stock of how many aunts and uncles and estranged cousins will be coming into town for Christmas; whether you’re shopping for gifts or buying food for Thanksgiving, caught in a traffic jam or getting up especially early to make it ahead of the rush, remember this:

Everyone else that you might find infuriating is just looking to get through the same time of year that you are. They’re in the same spot, maybe a little better or a little worse off, maybe a lot better or a lot worse off, but they’re all dreading the stress, same as you. They’re all dreading the debt, and the aftermath, the headaches and the sleepless nights, same as you. So be a gentleman, and don’t let that anger get hold of you. Remember what we were all taught as children about how to be polite: please and thank you; hold open doors for people, let them ahead of you, give them a bit of that oft-mentioned “festive cheer.” Be good to them, because that little inkling of kindness might just make their day.

But just the same, don’t allow yourself to be miserable on the account of others. Be true to yourself, be honest with yourself, and make sure that for all the stresses and aches that come with our modern culture, that you allow yourself to remember what it is that this season is supposed to represent: joy. Happiness. Warmth and love. Remember that whether you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim or agnostic or Buddhist or any other spiritual background, this season is about coming together and enjoying the company of others. And that means ensuring that that company matches up to your expectations and your standards. Ensure that you keep yourself away from conflict, as much as you can. These winter months contain harsh weather and used to represent a far more difficult time of year than they do now, in a world with heating systems and blankets with sleeves. There is enough conflict inherent to this season already; so make sure that you take control of any circumstances that you can.

To be a Man of the Hour, to be a true gentleman, is to be gracious and accommodating, and also steadfast and honest. So this year, make that happen. Give yourself and your family, your friends and your coworkers, and everyone else important to you, a truly happy holiday.

You deserve it.