The Opposite Sex: Learning to Heal
urbazon
“See, breaking up is hard, to move along it's even harder.” These are lyrics from rap artist Wale’s song “The Breakup Song”, and no truer words have ever been spoken. The end of a relationship often times brings about a sense of finality, which can be very hard to accept.
It is a general belief amongst a lot of people that only women feel the effects of a breakup. While this might be accurate on a large scale, it’s not like men don’t feel anything after a breakup, especially if it was with someone they really cared for or even loved. So as a male, how does one go about healing from a breakup, and moving on? Let’s examine.
Breaking up is never easy for either party. Men often experience a lot of the same feelings that females do, but they generally don’t express it or show it because it is frowned upon in society for a man to show emotions. So men need tips to deal with a breakup just as much as females do.
Obviously, there is no bulletproof way of dealing with heartbreak, but there are some steps that a man can take to deal with the situation in a mature, adult manner.
First, one must assess the situation; that is, the breakup. You can’t move on and have a healthy future without getting a grasp of the past. If you get an idea of what went wrong, and how you can go forward, then you and your future relationships will benefit. After all, if you make the same mistake twice, then it is no longer a mistake, it is a habit.
After assessing the situation, the next step is to rid yourself of all belongings that remind you of her. Love letters, pictures and any mementos that have her name written all over it need to be removed from your vicinity because they will only remind you of what was. It is hard to move on from someone when everything surrounding you reminds you of them.
Following the removal of everything that reminds you of said girl, the next step is very, very important: STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. Now that doesn’t mean avoiding your own Facebook and Twitter and living your life, but avoid her pages and accounts AT ALL COST. There is a famous saying that goes “misery loves company”, and that saying is especially true after a breakup. Sure, there is a chance that she could be hurting just as much as you, and if the relationship was serious, she probably is.
But what if she isn’t hurting as much as you are?
Imagine this scenario: you go on her Facebook and or Twitter, and you see nothing but statuses and tweets saying how much she loves the single life, and pictures of her smiling and having fun with her girlfriends. Or, let’s take it a step further: what if you see something that involves another guy? That could send you completely over the edge. Yes, it could be a mask or façade over what her real feelings are, but you don’t know that because all you see is happiness. Avoid the potential furthering of pain, and avoid her on social media.
The final step in this potentially grueling process is simple: move on. If you sit at home listening to love songs, reminiscing about the past, then it will be that much harder to move on. So pick yourself up, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go out. Meet new people. You don’t have to look for the next Ms. Right, but you can certainly get out and meet new females. Some people call this phase the “rebound” phase and automatically equate it with sex, but it doesn't have to involve sex at all. The best way to get your mind off of one person is to occupy your thoughts with another person. Again, don’t think relationship, because contrary to popular belief, men and women CAN be JUST friends. And in this process, you’re going to need all the love and support from your family and friends. So go out, mingle, get some numbers, and start the process.
Search the internet for tips on how to move on from a relationship as a man, and you will find millions of results, literally. But there isn’t any exact science to moving on from a breakup. One step that wasn’t listed, but might be necessary is to talk to her. All breakups don’t mean that it is completely over. We are all human, and sometimes we say things that we don’t always mean. So if the relationship ended on a bad note, for example, an argument, go back and talk to her after you have cooled down and see if there is anything there to salvage. This step isn’t necessary in all cases. In fact, in most cases, it isn’t necessary at all. But in some situations it is. If this step is necessary, it is best implemented after the first step, which is the assessment of the breakup. If you assess the situation and you know that things didn’t end on a good note, then you should go back and talk to her about everything. Who knows, it might be salvageable, and even if it isn't, you can at least get some closure. But if this particular step isn’t necessary, then follow the other ones and the process should be easier. But make no mistakes about it; the process will still be difficult. These steps listed are just supposed to ease the process as much as possible.