Social Media and Relationships
Bernhard Lang
Social Media can ruin the potential of promising relationships because of the most minor details that get lost in the online sphere. The misinterpretations due to the ambiguity can cause unnecessary fights and bitter feelings that linger in the future. We need to address the issue because as long as the puppy dog filter remains crucial, social media apps are not going away.
Here are some ways you can avoid letting a simple five second move ruin your relationship:
Establish your code: Everybody has their own view of different acts on social media. One click could mean questioning fidelity or expressing unspoken doubt about trust. Let's take Facebook for example. Your relationships status is significant; if you are with someone and do not put that you are in a relationship, it can prove to be offensive to your partner. However, if you do it too soon, it can be a little jumpy. The best thing to do is talk about it because a mutual connection is the best way to leave out hurt feelings.
Likes on Instagram can really get people into deep trouble. If she's liking all of your friend's shirtless selfies on the field, things could get ugly. But if she likes a picture of his dog, chances are she just likes the dog. There is no secret underlying scheme; settle down Sherlock Holmes. Same thing for vice versa. It shouldn't be an issue if you are liking a picture of a girl's artsy food or perhaps a family photo. It all depends on the content and who the person is. Most girls will probably be slightly ticked off if you keep liking everyone's selfies or provocative photos. But, everyone is different. A like can mean a lot of different things, but it is up to you two to come up with a mutual understanding so she doesn't have to stalk the girl's page for 2 hours deciding if you like her or not.
Be present: I cannot even tell you how many times I have let a simple app distract me from the moment. My boyfriend got us tickets to a Giants game and I was too busy posting pictures of the background and scenery that I let the first half go by without even being in the moment. Our dialogue was limited and strained and the memory is tainted by the constant social media pressure. If you need to, just make it a goal where you put away your phone completely or turn off the volume in order to avoid the distractions. Make sure you make time for each other without the notifications about a new post every 10 seconds.
Couple goals are unrealistic: We all want to be Ayesha and Steph Curry (or maybe that's just me). But realistically, we will not have 400 3p in a season and an insane cook book. Every standard is different. People get so caught up in comparing themselves to other couples. To make things worse, people fail to realize that many couples between 20-30 are paid to take extravagant vacations and promote a fabricated lifestyle, creating a false sense of desire. Don't compare, simply embrace your unique style. It can even become a habit to do this with your own personal circle, constantly comparing your friend's relationships to your own and struggling to appreciate the differences.
Don't tweet your feelings: Chances are that if you are having a fight, it's probably best to keep it to yourself. I know a girl who tweeted a long paragraph about her boyfriend's lack of appreciation for her. They actually ended up getting back together, but the public show put a strain on their relationship and caused awkward tension for a long time. It was just how she was feeling in that moment, but there is no need to get the Twitter world involved in your deepest thoughts. She could have easily approached him about it and it would have been a lot easier. Not only did he feel targeted and embarrassed, but she regretted it the next day and did not like others commenting on their personal relationship. We often use social media as a temporary outlet for our emotions, forgetting that there is an online stage analyzing those moments of distress. Don't act out of revenge on social media either. There have been a handful of women and men who might like or comment on a picture of some random person of the opposite sex or communicate with them online to let out their anger on the person that they are with. This is always a bad idea and cannot be taken back. Because the online conversations are permanent and can be found in a matter of seconds, it is best to think before you do something that drastic just to flaunt your anger. Try playing basketball, eating ice cream, or watching Game of Thrones. Just stay away from your computer during temporary fights that will probably be solved the next day.
The best thing to do is always rely on face to face communication and realize that the reality is the personal touch, not an online world with false expectations and trivial arguments. When you're with each other, put your phone in a corner and have a real conversation. Leave the technology and explore life with adventure!