Alpha Framing: The Company We Keep

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Anyone who spends a good amount of time with another person will begin to notice how he, or she, influences a great number of things: thought patterns, speech patterns, behavior. This can be anyone, but we see it most prominently with close friends and family. We might find ourselves using turns of phrase that reminds us of our parents, or making decisions based on what our best friends might say, even if we haven’t talked to them recently.

Human beings are a social species. That tends to mean a lot more than a lot of us give it credit for. Social interaction is a vital aspect of a person’s development, and this extends from the earliest days of childhood, our time spent in school, and even into university and the professional world. We don’t tend to give this part of ourselves much thought, once that magic switch is flipped somewhere in the late teens, and “adulthood” starts. It’s easy to think that development is over, and there’s no need to consider the repercussions of dealing with certain people. “I’m fully grown now,” someone might say. “I can handle pretty much anything now. I’m the person I want to be, and I don’t have to worry about anything, or anyone, detracting from that.”

But is this true? If we consider the day-to-day interactions we have with people on a larger scale than just whether or not we’ve talked to a certain friend on the phone recently, or if we told our favorite aunt about that vacation we’re planning, is it safe to say that we’re ready to make such a claim?

The short, simple answer is no.

Even once we reach that fabled age when buying holidays takes precedence over receiving them, and salary replaces grades as the chief barometer of progress, the people with whom we surround ourselves are an important influence on our behavior; several positive things come from this particular truth, but equally negative things can come to light if we aren’t careful; this can spell great things for the future, or hold us back.

We can all think of the obvious examples of this: it’s important to have people in your social circle who support you, as opposed to those who do not. A roommate who borrows money when they’re supposed to be contributing is an obvious recipe for disaster. A significant other who understands the sacrifices you have to make to further your career is probably a keeper.

But it goes deeper than that. We all want to be successful. It’s such a universal truth that it borders on irrelevant cliché. We know that success comes in about as many forms as people do, and sometimes it seems just enough to have a circle of friends who support our vision of it. We associate with members of our family who support us and strip ourselves of those who don’t. That’s a fine platform on which to build a life.

This is true, and having a support system like this is important, but another piece of this puzzle that is often overlooked can be just as pivotal: to be successful (in whatever way we decide is important to us), we need to associate with people who are already successful. If you want to be a manager at your workplace, talk to managers. I don’t mean that you should butter up your managers and run the risk of alienating them. The point here is to seek out people through social networking, or go the old-fashioned route and talk to them face-to-face.

The point here isn’t the method, though. It’s the mentality. It might seem callous, even heartless, to think of our social circles as just another commodity to be maintained and upgraded like a vehicle or a wardrobe, but there’s honestly some amount of wisdom in the idea; think of it like maintaining social health.

For example, we wouldn’t associate with people who seek to sabotage the ambitions of the people around them, because they don’t have any ambition of their own. This is the sort of person who expects others to cater to him or her. Well, what is the opposite of that? Someone independent, with clear goals and plans to achieve them, and who appreciates and encourages the ambitions of others. Since we wouldn’t associate with the former, it stands to reason that we would associate with the latter.

Surrounding ourselves with successful people does not directly correlate to our success, but it does provide us with an environment that’s conducive to it, and people who understand the path we’re setting for ourselves.

I don’t mean to imply that we should shed all aspects of our lives to achieve some nebulous “good life,” because that leads to a horror story that ends in loneliness, alienation, and general misery. Finding the right people, and the right environment, to seek out your version of success doesn’t mean eradicating the past. It does, however, mean ridding ourselves of anything detrimental.

Part of pursuing success, whether it be in the context of a career, or personal fulfillment, is accepting that we have a responsibility to ourselves. This may sound trite at first, but the point remains: this isn’t a sacrifice. Changing our social environment isn’t a negative, and it shouldn’t feel like one. It’s part of growing. Don’t get rid of the people who haven’t succeeded yet; get rid of the people who don’t want to succeed, and want to keep you from succeeding. Replace them with people who can help, and teach, you how to move forward.

I’m not going to pretend this is easy. It can be hard to cut ties with people we’ve known for a long time, even if we understand that interacting with them is a net negative. It can be hard to admit to ourselves that we deserve to achieve the goals we’ve set for ourselves, even if people we’ve loved and respected don’t approve of them. In the long run, however, it provides the best possible avenue for having the sort of life we can look back on with pride, which is the only barometer of “success” that honestly matters in the long run.

The old adage has it that you should reach for the stars. Just make sure to let go of your baggage first.